I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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