i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
