you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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