I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
