Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize