Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
