Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
