i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
