i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
