Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
