all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
