Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
