is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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