so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
its liver damage thursday
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
