I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
