yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
did i just pee glitter
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
