I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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