The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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