1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
