Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
