I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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