Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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