You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
