belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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