She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
