is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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