i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
