awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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