i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I cut my penus on the lid.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
