Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
