he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
