I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Let's get the cat blown out
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
