I skipped work to stalk him.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
