ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
