Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
