I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
