I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
