My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
