I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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