I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We need to rekindle our bromance
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
