i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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