I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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