I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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