We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
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I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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