If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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