If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
