She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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