look no pants
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
