how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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