The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
