even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
