mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
