Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
