Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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