This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
