i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
