Apparently you make a good broom.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
