Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
