Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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