So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
