So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
