Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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