but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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