I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
