i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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