I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
