then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
