I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
